Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
