His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
