I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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