its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
did i just pee glitter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
