she woke up with a sticky ear
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
