I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize