Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
