Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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