just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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