problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
