We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
