My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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