CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
