ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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