so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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