Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
