my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
