she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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