had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
