I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize