I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
