My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
