I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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