So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
