I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
