I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
