Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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