When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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