I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize