talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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