are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Damn victory sex feels great
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
