Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
