he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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