the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
