Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
