Where is the hickey?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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