I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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