she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
