mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
