I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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