He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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