I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
