I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
