I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
