i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
