ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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