I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize