My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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