just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize