she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I only lived at night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
