I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
