I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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