good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
