I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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