If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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