Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
