there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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