Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
