I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
