Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
