I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
