Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
