I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
