Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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