I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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