Screwed.edu
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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