So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
