Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
