Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
