i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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