Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize