All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
