You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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