In the future we'll all be gay
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can text with my tongue
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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